I've been crying almost everyday. Throw tantrums at my family members for no reason, particularly my mom although she did everything to cheer me up. I also feel angry at my dad who is just so blunt and kept telling me that the reason why I'm going back there is to study.
My sister swears that I have inherited my dad's temper. Now, that is a very bad thing because I have a problem with my dad's rather childish behaviors.
I was really disappointed with myself not only because of that. But because my mom tries really to be a good mother and that what my father said was right - I chose to go to Melbourne is to obtain better education.
For Chinese standards, I should be struck by lightning.
I don't know. I just don't know what to do. All the inspirational quotes that I've literally drowned myself in is now turned to dust. I just cannot feel happy. What I should be doing right now is to enjoy this moment and stop thinking of the 22nd February.
I tried talking to a couple of friends. One of them used to stay in the same hostel as I am. She said that she is looking forward to start uni. This is what I should be doing too.
But, now, I can only feel this strange sensation on my chest. As if a rock is placed over there and I can't do anything about it. I feel horrible. At times lonely even. I just don't want my holidays to end just here.
How now?
“I never wanted to go away, and the hard part now is the leaving you all. I'm not afraid, but it seems as if I should be homesick for you even in heaven.” - Louise May Alcott
